Never touch your best friends penis cause it just ain't right
Never use the term "It is what it is"...because what else could IT be?
Never wear tight tight tight clothing when you are bigger than a freight train and walk around Wallmart...people might be watching...MILLIONS of people might be watching
Never scratch your own dirty sweaty sack and make your wife smell it...unless you really don't like sex
Never pick your nose and eat it...in the car...in traffic...cause you ain't invisible
Never place truck nuts on your truck...no matter what
Never take your pants off in a phone booth unless you are Superman
Never pretend to shoot a spiderweb like spiderman with you know what after you were doing you know who
Never say the word Rusty Trombone on a radio station...it could cost you almost $30,000. Just ask the owner of Infinity Broadcasting
Never siphon gas from a car just because prices go up five cents...it's actually only an extra dollar per tank of gas...
Never pretend to answer a skill testing math question in public unless you know the answer
During your wedding anniversary party, describing your husband as the "one-minute miracle" in bed is just plain mean.
Never compare your wife to your favorite porn actress unless the pizza delivery guy has a big penis and you would like to watch her with him
Never be downwind of flatulance that isn't yours
Never be too candid at the water cooler, I don't care about your experiences with painful, recurring bouts of rectal fissures
Never celebrate Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month at Church
Never announce that you spent many hours pounding your meat at Thanksgiving dinner
Never confuse the American President's name with "that dude they just executed" in a New York bar when announcing that you are no longer a virgin at the age of 37
Never serve food at a potluck that you have desecrated with your own bodily fluids
Never fart on command...it will be expected
Never send an email to your Director when hammered on Jaggers and Dr. Peppers...at 3 am on a Tuesday night the day before you hand in your resignation
No comments:
Post a Comment