Never feed a cigarette to a smaller child...they just might eat it and a bad habit could ensue
Never shit on your Aunt's roof
Never shit inside a snow suit
Never shit in a penalty box
Never take photos of your shit...someone could see them on your cell phone and social network your ass. No pun intended
Never dine and dash when getting gas, if everyone started walking to work...the price would come down REAL quick
Never go camping and forget to wipe. Cutting out "will nots" from the hair in your anus is disturbing, painful and embarassing
Never accept responsibility for a friends keys when swimming. You may lose them and he will have to drive three hours home and then three hours back to Bancroft from Newmarket to get them
Never surf adult material on your work computer. Especially if you are into BDSM and Brazillian Trannies.
Never let your wife know you had an affair...even if she catches you in the act. Deny deny deny and make her question her own sanity. It's better that way...trust me
Never leave an apple in your desk for a month especially if it's locked in a tupperware container with half a tuna sandwich
Never take ante abuse and eat tiramisu
Never kiss your girlfriend with a combination of red wine, chocolate and tuna in your mouth
Never kiss your wife unless you have a combination of these in your mouth, she may want you to kiss her again on occassion
Never tell your nephews that their dead father used to cheat on their currently depressed, poor and bi-polar mother
Never squeeze the relish bottle too hard at a restaurant, a relish tsunami is no fun for anyone
Never join your workout partner in the shower after the workout without invitation
Never joke about leaving the company you currently work for unless you really are planning to leave and you know for a fact no is punking you
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
THINGS U SHOULD NEVER DO!
Never cup a fart
Never punch your mother...in the face
Never enter a Cairo bazarre as a foreigner...oh, there's nothing funny about that...just don't do it!
Never eat ice cream quickly unless it is leading to a VJAY JAY!
Never eat day old Sushi
Never take ante abuse and drink alcohol unless you wish to lose weight...a lot of weight...in a hurry
Never accept a job that is %35 travelling by plane when you have a fear of flying and you are taking ante abuse
Never accept a job that incorporates presentations if you have a phobia of doing presentations and you are taking ante abuse
Never consume so much jaggermeister you can't remember emailing each of the two hundred ex friends you had on facebook and letting em have it cause you are sick of THEIR shit oh....another one that isn't too funny.
Never consider suicide as an option...suicide is non-refundable...unless....you haven't listened to a word I have said so far and you have done all the things I told you not too and your miserable...there are too many people on this planet as it is...you are an insect...people will miss for a month and then forget you ever existed....trust me...I know!
Never burn a Koran
Never tear the veil from a woman cause there just might be a reason they wear them
Never take acid and sit in your room alone staring at Metallica pictures for three hours...James Hetfield actually read my thoughts
Never smoke an entire joint...let me repeat...never smoke an entire joint...oh, and never smoke an entire joint as if affects memory long after you come down from Pink Floyd's fluffy pillow world where unicorns run wild and blue strawberries bloom in fields of gold
Never punch your mother...in the face
Never enter a Cairo bazarre as a foreigner...oh, there's nothing funny about that...just don't do it!
Never eat ice cream quickly unless it is leading to a VJAY JAY!
Never eat day old Sushi
Never take ante abuse and drink alcohol unless you wish to lose weight...a lot of weight...in a hurry
Never accept a job that is %35 travelling by plane when you have a fear of flying and you are taking ante abuse
Never accept a job that incorporates presentations if you have a phobia of doing presentations and you are taking ante abuse
Never consume so much jaggermeister you can't remember emailing each of the two hundred ex friends you had on facebook and letting em have it cause you are sick of THEIR shit oh....another one that isn't too funny.
Never consider suicide as an option...suicide is non-refundable...unless....you haven't listened to a word I have said so far and you have done all the things I told you not too and your miserable...there are too many people on this planet as it is...you are an insect...people will miss for a month and then forget you ever existed....trust me...I know!
Never burn a Koran
Never tear the veil from a woman cause there just might be a reason they wear them
Never take acid and sit in your room alone staring at Metallica pictures for three hours...James Hetfield actually read my thoughts
Never smoke an entire joint...let me repeat...never smoke an entire joint...oh, and never smoke an entire joint as if affects memory long after you come down from Pink Floyd's fluffy pillow world where unicorns run wild and blue strawberries bloom in fields of gold
Monday, May 9, 2011
THINGS U SHOULD NEVER DO!
Never touch your best friends penis cause it just ain't right
Never use the term "It is what it is"...because what else could IT be?
Never wear tight tight tight clothing when you are bigger than a freight train and walk around Wallmart...people might be watching...MILLIONS of people might be watching
Never scratch your own dirty sweaty sack and make your wife smell it...unless you really don't like sex
Never pick your nose and eat it...in the car...in traffic...cause you ain't invisible
Never place truck nuts on your truck...no matter what
Never take your pants off in a phone booth unless you are Superman
Never pretend to shoot a spiderweb like spiderman with you know what after you were doing you know who
Never say the word Rusty Trombone on a radio station...it could cost you almost $30,000. Just ask the owner of Infinity Broadcasting
Never siphon gas from a car just because prices go up five cents...it's actually only an extra dollar per tank of gas...
Never pretend to answer a skill testing math question in public unless you know the answer
During your wedding anniversary party, describing your husband as the "one-minute miracle" in bed is just plain mean.
Never compare your wife to your favorite porn actress unless the pizza delivery guy has a big penis and you would like to watch her with him
Never be downwind of flatulance that isn't yours
Never be too candid at the water cooler, I don't care about your experiences with painful, recurring bouts of rectal fissures
Never celebrate Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month at Church
Never announce that you spent many hours pounding your meat at Thanksgiving dinner
Never confuse the American President's name with "that dude they just executed" in a New York bar when announcing that you are no longer a virgin at the age of 37
Never serve food at a potluck that you have desecrated with your own bodily fluids
Never fart on command...it will be expected
Never send an email to your Director when hammered on Jaggers and Dr. Peppers...at 3 am on a Tuesday night the day before you hand in your resignation
Never use the term "It is what it is"...because what else could IT be?
Never wear tight tight tight clothing when you are bigger than a freight train and walk around Wallmart...people might be watching...MILLIONS of people might be watching
Never scratch your own dirty sweaty sack and make your wife smell it...unless you really don't like sex
Never pick your nose and eat it...in the car...in traffic...cause you ain't invisible
Never place truck nuts on your truck...no matter what
Never take your pants off in a phone booth unless you are Superman
Never pretend to shoot a spiderweb like spiderman with you know what after you were doing you know who
Never say the word Rusty Trombone on a radio station...it could cost you almost $30,000. Just ask the owner of Infinity Broadcasting
Never siphon gas from a car just because prices go up five cents...it's actually only an extra dollar per tank of gas...
Never pretend to answer a skill testing math question in public unless you know the answer
During your wedding anniversary party, describing your husband as the "one-minute miracle" in bed is just plain mean.
Never compare your wife to your favorite porn actress unless the pizza delivery guy has a big penis and you would like to watch her with him
Never be downwind of flatulance that isn't yours
Never be too candid at the water cooler, I don't care about your experiences with painful, recurring bouts of rectal fissures
Never celebrate Tourette Syndrome Awareness Month at Church
Never announce that you spent many hours pounding your meat at Thanksgiving dinner
Never confuse the American President's name with "that dude they just executed" in a New York bar when announcing that you are no longer a virgin at the age of 37
Never serve food at a potluck that you have desecrated with your own bodily fluids
Never fart on command...it will be expected
Never send an email to your Director when hammered on Jaggers and Dr. Peppers...at 3 am on a Tuesday night the day before you hand in your resignation
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